Too much...

Would you do something knowing someone else wouldn't approve of it? BUT this something would not affect anyone or anything, they just don't approve because they think their thinking is the right way of thinking. Its hard sometimes living up to someone standards. Should you just live YOUR life the way you want to and not care what they think? Life is too short right? I mean I do care what other people think and I do take it into consideration but then I end up not doing what I want to do because I am too afraid of what they think.

When life hands you lemons...

Making friends isn't the easiest thing to do in the world anymore, or probably at my age. I feel like everyone has their own agenda and if they can't use you, they don't need you. 

I'm the type of person that gives in a friendship. I don't need to take and I don't mind giving. I'm not saying I am an incredible friend but I treat everyone the same in the beginning. I will go out of my way for you hoping one day you will do the same for me, but from my experiences, thats never been the case. Once I realize its a one way friendship, it becomes too late, I'm so use to helping that I don't know how to stop anymore. If you ask, I will obliged. Then the friendship becomes a drag. The feeling of enjoying one's company becomes something I don't look forward to anymore. Will I stop? Probably not. I will do my best at what I can to help even if I know someone is straight out using me. 

How can you just cut someone out of your life? Exclude them from things? I hate the feeling of leaving people out. I will never do it on purpose. But I don't look forward to the friendship... It just takes one thing, you initate and I will no longer feel like it was me who ended it.   

You never know how much you don't need a person in your life until they are gone. You have this sense of relief that you never felt before. Its like freedom. You aren't bound to keep them company or feel the need to be a friend even though they take you for someone less. 

I guess as you grow older, you need to learn that there some people you should hold onto and some people you should just let go. Its not worth it. Life is definitely too short, dont waste your time.

Should I let it bother me?

For a big person, sometimes I feel really small. Small in peoples eyes.

I don't ask for much in life, I just want people to think of me once in a while, at least for the people I care for anyways. I don't need to be running through anyones mind 24/7 but its the little things that hurt. I know sometimes you can get caught in the moment and just forget but if you forget me, then what am I supposed to do? Feel hurt? But should I say something? No my pride will not let me but then it eats at me away slowly to a point where I resent you and I dont want to resent anyone. How can I openly tell you I feel like I'm nothing? Do you even care? Do you even notice thats what youre making me feel?

Probably not.